Well today is the last day to blog, the end of the project. It's so interesting to me that I truly feel like this is just one chapter and tomorrow I'm starting a new one.

I started with 5 min a day and often thought, how can I get up 5 minutes earlier to do this. I made a commitment and I knew I would follow it through. I had no idea what was waiting for me. I new the project was call Living in My Body....I really had no idea what that meant. I was just going to move for 5 min in the morning, right...

I have spent a life time for caring for others and at times at the risk of not taking care of me. I have no regrets about caring for the ones I loved, but sometimes I think I was living their lives not mine. This last year I have really tried to live in my body, take care of me and at times it seemed selfish or self indulgent but I came to know that was not true. I've come to know myself better.

My story that came from this project is food issues. Being diagnosed with diabetes early on in ths project brought this to light. I've know it, just didn't start living it untill this project. I've been so thankful that this project has given me the tools to make changes that has allowed me not to have to take medication for my diabetes. I think my major accomplishment was to give up sugar and my addiction to diet soda and losing 20 lbs this last year. My most sucessful tool was making a daily goal, blogging was the vehicle  I used to accomplish it.  My eating isn't perfect but I've made huge improvements. I struggle to eat enough veggies, I'm going to re-commit to jucing starting  Sunday morning, this is such an easy way to get the veggies needed and I've been sucessful this week getting up at 4:30, I can do it.

I don't always stay on the path and I'm worried that I may wander a little on my own. I do know that I just need to recommit and get back on track. I've done it before and I can do it again. My body craves the movement and freedom that yoga has facilitated. The simple gift  of movment is the most powerful gift. I went from struggling to walk a few blocks to walking at least a mile per day and often in good weather 1.5 to 3 miles per day. To be free of worring about where I park for fear it will be to far to walk, to the fear of going shopping and not be able to keep up. To free my thoughts of these fears is huge.

One last thing that has come out of this project for me is the understanding that I can try things and while I may not beable to do it all, it's okay to take what you can and leave the rest for another day. A friend talked to me about taking a dance class, I suggested something a little more vigorous. She said there was no way she could do this class for an hour and I thought to my self, okay, when you get tired your rest and watch....did that thought come from me?  I wouldn't have thought that a year ago, if you can't do the whole thing you just do what you can....I've come a long way, I'm healther and more confident.

Thank you Vilma for your contagious enthusiasm and encouragement. 

namaste  

I woke at 4 ish and knew I wanted to be to work early today, I needed to leave work early again today. I was up and on my mat by 4:30 with my bandage blind fold over my eyes, lying over my bolster covered with a blanket. I started to watch my breath and the next thing I knew, I was feeling that coming to the surface feeling. I remembered thoughts coming and going, but I can't tell you what they were, I can't remember. I felt so calm and peaceful. I looked at the clock and 30 minutes had passed, it felt like 5 min.  I like that calm peaceful feeling, funny, even at 4am I'm ready to get up and experience this feeling. Me at 4:30 am on a mat, really? There was a time when I needed to be at work early that I would have cut  my practice short, making up the time later. Not this week. I did need to go to bed at 7:30 last night to make the 4am wake up call.  Is this bandage blindfold making the difference? I don't know....I had to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of my practice, as I was washing my hands I looked in the mirror, I got a good laugh at that, who is that women in the mirror. My head bandaged up and my hair standing on ends....lol what a look. I made my way back to my mat and finished up, I spent a lot of time on stretching my back side. From my heals to my glutes...I made slow deliberate moves feeling and being in the movement. My body was so tight this morning, later as I thought about it I remembered I spent a lot of time sitting yesterday, sitting is not my friend. I made two trips to work and back because of the memorial I went to and I mostly sat during all of that....

Well tomorrow is my last blog and the project of living in my body ends...wow a year. I do know that this is not an end but rather a beginning...

I knew today was going to be challenging. I needed to be at work early so I could leave for a while today to attend a friends memorial. My friend, Cates mom passed away last weekend. I wanted to be there, Cate was the one who incourage me to start yoga 4 years ago. Our lives have taken different paths and aren't as close as we were at one time but I still consider her a friend and I loved her mom. This wasn't something I needed to do, It was something I really wanted to do. I stayed up to late last night so I knew I was setting my self up for failure. I was so supprised when I woke at 4:15 and couldn't go back to sleep and I felt rested. I got up and hit my mat, bandage around my head, upper back supported with the bolster. It was odd, my mind was active but I felt calm. Soon I could tell thoughts were coming and going, but I can't tell you what they were. about 45 min into it I felt myself come to the surface, I know I was not asleep, yet I felt so relaxed and calm, like when I wake up. I found my self wanting to go back to that, liking the calm.... I moved on to leg stretches, belly work and some pointer poses....yikes, I didn't have much balance, was it because of the blind fold? I'm not sure, I do know that I feel a little wobbly some mornings, this may have been one of those days.

I was at work by 7:00, I was able to stay focused and leave on time and arrive at the service in plenty of time. I went back to work to wrap things up and your know, I still feel really calm and relaxed, I like this feeling.

I woke this morning wondering what my practice would be like. I got set up, wrapped the bandage around my head and layed down over the bolster. It was chilly in the house so I added a blanket and got all toasty and relaxed my mind was so busy, I really had to concentrate on my breath and body. At some point I started to relax feeling my body let go...my mind was still busy, thoughts coming and going. I have a lot going on this week and my mind wanted to go through the list and check it twice....I just kept going back to my breath and at one point I felt this awareness, did I go to sleep and I was waking or was I inside my body and I had that coming to the suface feeling. I really couldn't tell, I started moving into my lazy yoga routine and needed to go to the bathroom. I pulled the wrap up so I could find my way and looked at the clock, an hour and 15 min had gone by....it sure didn't feel like it had been that long. I came back to my mat and finished up with some cat/cow belly moving and got ready for the day. It snowed at my house during the early hours, I usually get a little worked up about it now wanting to drive in it. Traffic was a mess and very slow. I noticed the calm I felt, not getting all whipped up about it. I enjoyed the calm for most of the day.

My belly practice last night was much as it has been, after about 15 min. I fell to sleep waking up about an hour later going to bed. I didn't wake until about 3:30. I felt rested when I got up this morning. I've also noted that my digestion is better, even though I've never really had a problem, I just notice an impovement.

I woke this morning and was excited to hit my mat and use the ace bandage wrapped around my head as a blind fold. I found it interesting yesteday and was looking forward to seeing what today brought. I was so surprised that it caused me to be irritated. It felt like my mind was being corralled up inside the bandage, being held hostage. I felt this stuggle going on, almost like a temper tantrum. It's odd, I close my eyes most of my practice anyway, so why the struggle? I just kept breathing and trying to relax and go inside my body. I wasn't very sucessful and at point point I heard myself snore, I guess I had gone to sleep, yet my thoughts were very active....did my mind say oaky, I'll just go to sleep...I don't know but it sure wasn't what I thought it was going to be. I'll see what tonights belly practice and tomorrows morning practice brings and I'll report back.

My belly practice last night was much the same as it has been except I had the ace bandage wrapped around my head. I was just laying there trying to stay aware, and I head and felt a big ole growl in my belly, and then nothing and as ususal I fell asleep, waking about an hour later. I slept well last night and wasn't tired this morning.

As the year long project comes to a close I have been reading some of my blogs....wow, the one thing that stuck out for me was how tired I was all the time. I was only getting up 5 min early in the beginning...lol. I think by getting my glucose under contol and beefing up my vitimin D levels, has made a huge improvement in how I feel. Interesting year...